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Brisbane Fertility Clinic

We specialise in natural fertility solutions.

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HypnoFertility Clinic

Just For Fun: Infertility Sniglets

Since so many of you aspiring mothers and fathers are suffering
from stress... we thought you might need a laugh!

What's a sniglet?

Sniglets are funny made-up words/definitions for those things in life that just don't seem to have any "official" terminology. The world of infertility provides lots of hilarious inspiration.

Sniglet Acronyms

  • ART - Acrobatic Reproductive Techniques such as the assincline.
  • ASRM - Activate Sperm Receiving Mechanism
  • BBT - Big Boob Tester; Big Bothersome Thermometer
  • E2 - Everything Squared (E2's new album covers everything infertile. Some hits include "HPT Blues," "Butt-propping Blues," "Probe Me Tender," and "Strange Boobs.")
  • EMB - Every Man in Boxers; Extraterrestrial Mutant Booger
  • HPT - Hopefully Pregnant Thoughts. Includes the kind of thinking you go through with every stretchy, crampy feeling that happens during the luteal phase.
  • HSG - Hot Sticky Goop
  • IUI - Infertility's Ugly Indeed
  • IVF - Imaginary Vermin Facility, Infertiles' Vile Fate
  • LH - Lucky Husband
  • OPK - Overpriced Pee Kits
  • PCOS - Patient's Cup Of Sperm
  • PCT - Please Creep Through (spermies!)
  • POF - Powerful Orgasm Fanatics
  • SPA - Stick Pee-ers Anonymous

General Infertility Sniglets

  • Assincline - the odd-looking practice of elevating a woman's buttocks after intercourse in order to maximize the sperm's ability to swim for the egg.
  • Barbe shower- a baby shower disguised as a back yard barbecue.
  • Basal Instinct - an urge to shake down your basal thermometer BEFORE recording your temperature in a futile attempt to work up a sweat and boost up your temperature; usually strikes late in the menstrual cycle about the time your temperature would be naturally plummeting to indicate the on-set of your dreaded period.
  • BasalBedBouncing - the earthquake-like sensation you get while shaking down your mercury basal thermometer in bed.
  • Bladder Praying - praying that your bladder will fill up so that you can take an HPT - because it's day 29 and you KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE TEST RESULTS ARE GOING TO BE POSITIVE THIS TIME.
  • Briefectomy - furtive removal of all tight-fitting briefs from your husband's underwear drawer.
  • Buttcushion - where you store your fertility shot needles.
  • Butt-proposition - the act of having one's butt up on pillows and trying to look graceful in that position.
  • Buttressing - the act of firmly putting your feet on your lover's back as he lifts up and shoves pillows under your butt (for the assincline). Buttressing often needs to be repeated to make sure you get the proper assincline.
  • Cattus interrupus - when your cat interupts sex.
  • Clomidbuddy - the invisible but very useful "nobody" who is TRULY responsible for all the awful things mistakenly attributed to a woman on Clomid. ("It wasn't ME who smashed those dishes onto the floor in Clomid-induced anger ... It was the Clomidbuddy.")
  • Clomidfiend - A woman under the influence of Clomid-induced mood swings; someone who wants to blame anything and everything on the drug.
  • ClomiWITCH - a woman under the influence of clomid. She can become the WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST! Also known as ClomiBITCH.
  • Coinus interruptus - the impact of infertility treatments on one's chequebook.
  • Coitus timeruptus - the practice of timing intercourse to correspond with the timing of ovulation.
  • Day-one-dering - wondering why oh why you have to deal with "day one", yet again!
  • Doggus interruptus - when your dog interupts sex.
  • Eggscuse Me! - what a polite egg says after bumping into a swarm of sperm.
  • Eggsonerated - what an egg is after being told "You're not good enough to be fertilized," "You'll never implant," or "You'll never go to term," and then does all three - thank you very much!
  • Eggspedition - the route an egg takes once it leaves the ovary.
  • Eggsplosive - what a woman on fertility drugs is like.
  • Eggsplotion - hyperstimulation of ovaries induced by overdosing on fertility drugs.
  • Eggspurt advice - what all the fertility books write about ovulation.
  • Eggstatic - what a woman on fertility drugs hopes to feel.
  • Eggstravaganza - the three ring circus which ensues when your doctor, his/her residents, interns, and medical students (not to mention several nurses and all the operating room personnel) are working on harvesting your egg(s) for in vitro fertilization.
  • Eggsuberant - the joyous way one feels upon finding out that one ovulated!
  • Eggswhiteation - the incredible excitement one feels when finding egg-white mucus when not even looking for it!
  • Fanta-sizing - Dreaming what you would look like nine months pregnant.
  • Flying buttress - an architectural feature, consisting of an elaborate constuct of cushions and pillows designed to maintain the would-be mother's posterior in the optimum position for fertilization.
  • Flying Buttresses - the condition of having pillows fly out from under you as you attempt the assincline position.
  • Follow-pee-in Tube - the little glass vial into which one puts her urine for an ovulation predictor kit, in order to determine if an egg is about to make its trip along the fallopian tube.
  • Freeballing - the step beyond boxers taken by truly devoted husbands with low sperm count.
  • Freeballitis - chaffing and raw skin associated with freeballing.
  • Gluteus Unrelaximus - side effect of the uncomfortable act of propping up the buttocks after baby-sex.
  • Graphic Imagination - tweaking, massaging, reorienting, or redrawing your basal body temperature graph/data in an attempt to see either a temperature rise or the magic triphasic pregnancy pattern.
  • Hindsight - looking back to see what is happening as you get your shot!
  • Hormonally Challenged - the politically correct term for a woman who is having mood swings due to infertility treatment.
  • Hormonophobia - dread fear of saying the wrong thing to your wife when she is on fertility drugs.
  • Hormotional - easily rattled emotional state brought on by hormone surges; especially symptomatic of women on fertility drugs.
  • Hubincline - the odd-looking practice of placing a woman's buttocks on her husband's back after intercourse in order to maximize the sperm's ability to swim for the egg.
  • Hystericalsingogram - A singing telegram performed with wild gyrations by a wife when telling her husband the pregnancy test is positive.
  • Indifferent costimulus - the need during intercourse for her to concentrate on fertilizing and him to avoid all thoughts of fertility/infertility and just come.
  • Indijection - getting sick to your stomach while getting metrodin shots.
  • Inferguilty - how you feel when you're having a bad day and you read someone's post announcing their pregnancy and you are overcome with the urge to kill them.
  • Joe Pesci Syndrome - the overwhelming urge (which occurs around day 12 of a Metrodin/Humegon cycle) to attack someone rude with a pen, pencil, or whatever's handy.
  • Justwaition -
    • 1. the two weeks between ovualation and a pregnancy test.
    • 2. a period of time just before gestation.
  • Laparophobia - in intense sense of dread preceding laparoscopy, marked by last-ditch efforts to get pregnant and avoid having the procedure (like you weren't already trying your hardest).
  • Looteal phase: The period of time between cycles when all of the insurance statements/doctor's bills come in from the beginning of the cycle. Also a time to save $$ for the upcoming cycle.
  • Metrodinner - the evening meal preceded by a shot in the tush.
  • Misconception - the belief that you might actually manage to conceive naturally the month before a laparoscopy.
  • Miss Mannerism - the habit, when people ask you nosy questions about when you're going to get pregnant or make rude comments like "want my kids?" of looking a combination of shocked and puzzled and saying something like, "Why ever would you say such a thing?"
  • Missedconception - the belief that you actually would have conceived if you and your partner hadn't avoided sex while you were having a MASSIVE fight; also the belief that you actually would have conceived if you and your partner hadn't avoided sex in spite of being toooo tired because you both had worked 15 hour days for the previous three.
  • Monthus offalus - taking a month off from baby-making sex, trying to remember what exactly "birth control" is, so you can be poked and prodded mercilessly with no hope of getting pregnant.
  • Mucuscide - having mucus that kills your darling husband's sperm.
  • Mucusology - the inexact science of attempting to determine the timing of ovulation.
  • Multiple Dwarf Syndrome - a state caused by the ups and downs of fertility treatments, characterized by describing oneself as some combination of grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, etc; especially effective descriptor if you include what we like to call the "alternative dwarves," such as horny, bitchy, barfy, crampy, etc.
  • Naturalism - the belief that any egg produced when your doctor wasn't expecting it (e.g. not induced by HCG, not induced by fertility drugs, etc.) is miraculously more fertile than the rest, as though somehow your medical care is specifically causing your infertility. (Also known as "A watched egg never fertilizes syndrome".)
  • Peetience - what you learn to aquire when starting to chart your basal body temperature.
  • Perganol-tory - the two-week, in-between waiting time
  • Petri dish - a womb with a view (for IVFers).
  • Piddlesticks - an exclamation made after mistakenly splashing on the window of an ovulation predictor kit or home pregnancy test urine-stream stick, as in "Oh piddlesticks."
  • Pokejoy - The imagined glee wives think that husbands get from sticking them in the buttocks with a needle.
  • Popsicle - the straw containing frozen sperm, from a husband or donor, that will be used in an insemination.
  • Posistick/Negastick (noun) - the urine-filled ovulation predictor kit or home pregnancy test stick.
  • Posistickly/Negastickly (adverb) -- example of usage -- "I am posistickly sure that I will ovulate so please come home immediately!"
  • Postcoital Nest - the secret vaginal hiding place where sperm hide when they are faced with fertilization-anxiety; especially frequented by sperm avoiding the cervix-swab during a postcoital test.
  • Preggozone - the magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range; the first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile womans fails a pregnancy test.
  • Pregnesia - the way pregnant women forget everything, sometimes even the fact that they were infertile.
  • Pregnition - the act of starting on fertility treatment.
  • Pregsplosion - the sudden abundance of pregnant women in your vicinity within hours of your negative pregnancy test.
  • Pregtember - name of the month you hope to be pregnant by.
  • Prince Charming (or Hubble without a Choice) - the name for a sweet husband who is infinitely patient and kind while you have Multiple Dwarf Syndrome.
  • Psycho-symptom-atic Syndrome - a psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two-week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.
  • Punjab - Cracking jokes to take your wife's mind off the fact that you are about to give her a shot.
  • Rigorous mortis - loss of interest in sex due to lack of spontaneity in timing.
  • Sizzlers - men's bikini underwear.
  • Snow White Complex - the mental state following your careful examination of white undies and panty liners for indications of mucus or menstrual flow; any hint of red on white or confusing mucus signs gives you the absolute right to take on any or all of the emotions in the Multiple Dwarf Syndrome.
  • The-Mom-meter - instrument for determining best time to get pregnant.
  • Totsicles - frozen embryos waiting to be transferred.
  • Whining and complaining - drinking LOTS of red wine while whining about another negative pregnancy test.
  • Yearnation - the overwhelming urge to urinate while recording your morning basal body temperature reading.

Copyright 1996, 1997, 1998 by Rebecca Smith Waddell and Lisa A. Kramer.
All rights reserved.